Accidental Stoner

Way back in January, I was very kindly offered my very first ADR job for the exciting new BBC drama Vigil. For those who

The night before, I was home alone, very excited about learning my new skill, I was rushing around organising myself for the job which was to be at the BBC Studios in Dumbarton on an outside set …and it was snowing but that’s ok.
I had my best woolly hat, my best woolly gloves, my Michelin Man coat, car full of petrol, checked Googe maps. Every eventuality covered.
All was well. Just one tiny thing. I had been plagued with sinusitis and sudden adult onset of asthma. So, the doctor prescribed a course of steroids and some strong antihistamines to try and solve it. I was told to take 8 little steroid tablets in a one-er and one antihistamine.
No problem, knock back the nine little pills (which look almost identical) and get a good night’s sleep.
No sooner had I put the glass down than I realised I’d mixed up the packs and I’d taken 8 very strong allergy pills and one tiny dose of a steroid.
I tried everything to expel these devils, but nothing was working. I phoned NHS 24 during a global pandemic and a UK-wide lockdown.
NHS: Hello NHS 24 can you give me your address please?
ME: No you don’t need I just need some advice…
NHS: Sorry I need your address
ME:Ok but can I just…?
NHS: Is the patient breathing?
ME: Yes I’m talking to you
NHS: Is the patient yourself?
ME: Yes it’s me…
NHS: Date of Birth please.
ME: No I…
NHS: Do you think you’re having a stroke of a heart attack?
ME: I might have a heart attack if you don’t let me talk!
NHS: How can I help?
ME: Right, I have accidently taken an overdose of a very strong antihistamine instead of a dose of steroids what shall I do?
NHS: Alright. Are you depressed or suicidal?
ME: No! It was an accident!
NHS: Alright. Let me speak to a duty doctor
During this long, long, 15-minute wait. These pills were invading my system.
NHS: Do you have a loss of sense of taste or smell…
ME: Why are you asking me about Covid symptoms?
NHS: Because the doctor thinks you should come in. Bring a mask.
ME: No! I want you to tell me that there is NO problem and it’s only an antihistamine and you can’t really overdose on them.
NHS: Sorry the doctor says you must come in.
ME: Well I can’t and I’ll tell you why…
Tomorrow I have a job it’s for a BBC drama called Vigil and it has Martin Compson and Suranne Jones in it. I’m in the Loop Group.
NHS: (Sigh) Oh very good, you’re a groupie, I’m impressed. Doctor’s advice is that you should come in.
ME: Well if I stay at home am I going to die?
NHS: I’ll ask the duty doctor
(Long, long time later while the pills are further invading my body)
NHS: Doctor says probably not but you should come in.
ME: Right thanks.
NHS: Are you coming in? I have to advise A&E.
ME: No. I can’t, I can’t let Martin and Suranne down.
NHS: Suit yourself. Well, see how you are in the morning and if you feel strange -don’t drive.
Don’t drive! Terror invades along with the pills.
The following morning, I wake up and feel ok. Get out of bed.
Oh my God I’m stoned!
It’s 7am and I need to unstone myself by 11 in time to get there. Shall I phone Loop group casting director? As if he’s going to believe ‘I can’t come to work because I’m stoned on antihistamines!’
ME: Hello can I have a taxi to Dunbarton please?
TAXI: Cool – that’ll be 600
ME: Pounds? Eff off!
Hang on a minute. If I was stoned, would I not be mellow? I’m panicking. Stop panicking – cup of tea. I’m mellow now. ..Does that mean I’m stoned??
Happy ending! I was unstoned by 11 got lost on the way there was last to arrive, but I got there and had the best, very cold day! Thanks Kenny, for the opportunity very glad I didn’t let you down!