Angela Ness Scottish Voice Actor and Book Narrator

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For The Good of Our Voicing Community

Maybe I should get with the programme and learn that not everyone understands my sense of humour.

I am a member of an elite Facebook group especially for people who shout into microphones all day. It was no mean feat getting invited in I'll tell you! Much like the Masons, to be granted entry you need to learn the (virtual) funny handshake, then turn around three times, get twenty people who know the Voiceover Rates by heart to nominate you, stick your finger up your nose say the password and you're in!

BUT....when you get in, whatever you do not try to be funny or light-hearted. Some of the elite members in said group take themselves terribly seriously. Just a few months ago when I was first invited for my initiation, I got myself into the bad books and was almost given my marching orders.

So the brothers and sisters in the group all blether on about how busy they are - 'Oh I think I've taken on too much!'
'Can't cope with all the work!'
'Oh my goodness my vocal cords are killing me!'
'This booth! I'm starting to feel claustrophobic'
'How much more of this can I take?'
'God let me retire now!'

So jobs being a little thin on the ground for me, I decided to bemoan my luck hoping to get a bit of advice or someone might throw a job in my direction. To my cost, I discovered you just CANNOT joke about these things in the inner sanctum.


So I confessed that I don't have any work at all. The Fellows of the court started to give me advice such as;

'Tell your agent to get his finger out!'
'You need to eat more green apples!'.....
'Use strawberry and basil flavour lipbalm, you can get it in the shop on the corner of 1156th and 999th street in New York, can't remember the name of the shop but it's the only thing that can help!'
'Don't forget the Sinex.'

One brother said quite innocently 'Oh yeah, I'm a bit the same at the moment could be the time of year......

There was a silence and then a comment popped up ' Shut up Derek' Then just as quickly it disappeared as did Derek.

I write back 'Thanks guys but I don't need Sinex - I'm not ill'

'Right what you need is more training.'

Some of the brothers and sisters didn't like that and started to talk among themselves as though I wasn't there.

'What is she doing here if she needs more training?'
'We're all professionals around these parts.'
'Who let her in?'

Excuse me! Sorry for butting in....I am a professional. I've got certificates and everything!

'Well why aren't you working then?'

Gods sake...alright, if you're all so busy (and I don't see how you can be when all you do all day is sit here discussing the size and shape of your Pop Guards) and you can't cope,why don't you give me some of your work.? I'll help you. Might even show some of you how it's really done.......

Silence

'We don't joke about that kind of thing Ang-e- la'
'We get our own work and the work we get, we keep......'

Tone becomes very threatening.

.... ok...ok...sorry... BACK OFF! I was only joking, I've got loads of work! I'm knackered!

Admin butts in – Ok enough now, everyone get on with your work – Angela, we can't have trouble in this group - off to the Job Centre. Derek? Are you alright?

'yes'

Next time someone starts to talk about sexism in the industry I won't make the joke I made about Harvey Weinstein.....I was only joking....

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