Carrot Cake ...gate
So the excitement was palpable in the Ness studio this week when a finished advert arrived direct from BIG smokin' Londo
I've havered before on my great informative lecture about the seeming simplicity of being the voice artist – again here's a demonstration of how very easy it is to show yourself up by doing a Bridget Jones impersonation. So audition completed, job offered, feeling very lucky. This one was a line from London studio to my little studio in Dunkeld.
So we make a start following one or two technical issues. Not wanting to seem like I need to know what I'm doing and don't have staff, I tell them to give me a minute and I'll give my techie a shout, he's just popped into the green room. In my head the London team are all nodding impressed by my team. In reality they're probably rolling their eyes and mouthing ''course you are luv'”
I've watched enough of 'The IT Crowd' to know you unplug the entire house then plug it back in and magic, it either works or the house blows up. Luckily it worked and we're off.
So I'm playing a fascist despot boss (typecast) demanding to know where her staff is on the morning of an important meeting – I've based my character on Kim Jong Un simply because she goes from mad raving lunatic to placid pussycat at the mention of cake.
'but we're all eating Raj's carrot cake come and join us'
My next line is the one which seems to cause all the issues
Ooh carrot cake in that case...
sorry can you try something different Angela?
Carrot cake? Stuff the meeting!
yep one more just improvise...
Oh! Carrot cake hold me back
keep going do it a few times
Oh Oh Carrrrrrrot cake! Get out of the way Raj!
Several different styles of delivery and then finally, the client is happy and has about 30 takes to choose from. So it's all 'nice to 'emeet' you' and 'be good to work with you again Angela.....' when you can say a line without sounding like Betty Boop having an orgasm
So then I throw open the door of my studio to get a breath of air and return to an email from Olllie or Lewis the engineer asking me for takes 22, 25 and 29 these are the clients preferred choices of the carrot cake line. Of course these are the only takes that have totally and completely and utterly disappeared. I searched the hard drive, the soft drive, the lost and found folder, the driveway, under the table, I turned the house off and on again and they are not there. The lines it took most of the expensive studio time to record are totally gone. So idea! I'll send what I have and hope they don't notice. Phone buzzes 'where are 22, 25, 29?'
What? Who? Me? Oh right cool! OK yep – I'll get those right off to you.
Alright just send them tomorrow we're all going home.
Sleepless night ensues. Following morning I get in touch with Ollie or Lewis the sound engineer, Like girls at private school ( Rebecca or Mercedes) you have to be called Ollie or Lewis if you' re a sound engineer. I come clean, I've lost the files, I shouldn't be allowed out! Ollie or Lewis tells me what to do in a slow stoned cockney accent.
Fuck 'em they don't know what they liked and what they didn't – I fought they all sounded great, just record the line loads of times an send it to me, I'll tell them what they liked '
'Really? Ollie or Lewis..... I love you'
I now officially hate carrot cake and will be eating Courgette and Lime cake at my Bake Sale for Cancer Research UK.
I have at least managed to have one incident free session this week that was for Virgin East Coast. I'd tell you what it was all about but if I did, I'd have to shoot you, I feel like the resistance spy in 'Allo'Allo!
This coming week is all very medical looking, first I'll be persuading Grannies and Grandads across Scotland that there is only one place to get your comfy chair and then, I'll be explaining a thing or two to the good doctors of this land, who knew I was so well educated?!
Press play for Carrot-gate and please hold a bake sale at your work and raise a laugh and bit of money!